Hey Pastor – You Are Not Your Job
Hey Pastor – You Are Not Your Job
Lesson #17 from 40 Lessons in 40 Years
When you're a pastor, the lines between who you are and what you do get blurry fast. People don’t just introduce you by your name—they say, “This is my pastor.” You’re invited to weddings, funerals, and family crises not because you’re a friend, but because you wear the title. For many of us, ministry isn’t just our calling—it’s our whole identity. And that’s where things can get dangerous.
Because if you’re not careful, the role starts to become the identity. The church becomes your world. Your calendar revolves around ministry. Your relationships are mostly inside the church. Your affirmation comes from how the sermon landed or how full the room was last weekend. And when that role shifts—or ends—you’re left wondering, “Who am I without this?”
Who Am I Without the Title?
This question hits hard, especially when you’re approaching a transition, sabbatical, or even just a hard season. But the time to wrestle with this isn’t when you're packing up your office or walking off the stage for the last time. It’s now, while you're still actively leading, while you still have the margin and clarity to shape the next season of your life.
Here are a few steps that can help protect your soul from being completely fused to your role:
1. Do a Role vs. Identity Audit
Grab a blank sheet of paper and draw two columns.
On the left, write down everything that’s tied to your role as a pastor—preaching, leading meetings, being on call 24/7.
On the right, list out what defines you apart from that role—things like being a spouse, parent, friend, creator, reader, mentor, neighbor, photographer, athlete, etc.
If the right column is sparse, that’s a red flag. It’s time to invest there. You were someone before you became a pastor. You’ll be someone after.
2. Reclaim a Few “Just for Me” Identities
What lights you up that has absolutely nothing to do with your church job? It might be mountain biking, writing fiction, playing music, crushing it on the pickleball court, or coaching your kid’s soccer team. Whatever it is—schedule it. Protect it. Don’t feel guilty for loving it.
This isn’t selfish. It’s what healthy people do. If you’re going to thrive beyond your current role, you need to remember what makes you feel fully alive.
3. Find Friends Who Don’t Call You “Pastor”
It’s a gift to be known by your first name—not your title. Who are the people in your life who don’t need you to be their spiritual leader? Friends who aren’t evaluating your theology or quoting your sermons back to you?
If you don’t have anyone like that, it’s time to find them. Join a community group outside your church. Grab lunch with a neighbor who doesn’t attend. Build friendships where you’re not expected to be the wise one, the calm one, the one with all the answers.
4. Create a “Future You” Vision
Here’s a simple but powerful exercise: Imagine your role as pastor ended next month. Who would you be? What would bring you joy? What kind of work or contribution would still feel meaningful? What habits would sustain your faith and your family?
Now ask: what parts of that future version of me could I start building now? Don't wait until you're no longer needed to start discovering who you are.
5. Serve Outside Your Church
Stretch yourself into environments where no one cares what church you lead. Volunteer for a nonprofit. Mentor a young leader in a different industry. Say yes to something that isn’t strategic for your ministry, but might be strategic for your soul.
You’ll quickly learn that your wisdom, experience, and presence matter far beyond your weekend services.
6. Speak This Over Yourself Regularly
“I am more than what I do. My worth is not tied to my title.”
Say it out loud. Pray it. Journal it. Tattoo it inside your heart if you have to.
Because it’s true. Your role may shift. Your influence may change. But your identity as a deeply loved child of God remains constant.
You won’t be “Pastor” forever. But if you’ve done the work, that transition doesn’t have to feel like a death. It can be a beautiful next chapter—one where your impact continues, your relationships deepen, and your soul finally breathes.
Don’t wait for that moment to figure out who you are.
Download the full list of the 40 Lessons I’ve learned from 40 years in ministry here. My hope is that somewhere in these 40 lessons, you find a reminder that you’re not alone, a challenge that stirs your thinking, or a bit of wisdom that gives you strength for the road ahead.
And check out Season 2 of The LeadingSmart Podcast, where I discuss these 40 lessons in depth.