Sometimes the Most Strategic Thing You Can Do Is Say No

Sometimes the Most Strategic Thing You Can Do Is Say No

Lesson #14 from 40 Lessons in 40 Years

When I first started in ministry, I said yes to everything. Yes to every new idea. Yes to every meeting. Yes to every request that came across my desk. I assumed that was the mark of a good leader—someone who was available, flexible, and eager to help.

But over time, I learned that unfiltered yes’s come with a cost. They clutter your calendar, dilute your focus, and bury your most important work under a mountain of “pretty good” ideas.

Every yes is, by default, a no to something else. That’s not philosophy. That’s math. We all get 168 hours a week. If you say yes to every program, every event, every meeting invite, and every “we’ve always done it this way” tradition, then eventually you’ll look up and realize you’ve built a Frankenstein calendar—and your team is just as exhausted and unclear as you are. A good friend says it this way: “There are no innocent yes’s.” 

Saying No Isn’t Selfish—It’s Stewardship

Let’s get this straight: Saying no doesn’t make you mean. It makes you wise.

If you’re a senior leader, your “no” might be the very thing that protects your team from mission drift. If you’re a middle leader, your “no” may help your department stay laser-focused on what’s most important. And if you’re a volunteer, your “no” may be what keeps you healthy and present at home.

In my experience, the most strategic leaders aren’t just good at launching—they’re also good at pruning. They know that fruitfulness requires focus. And focus means making peace with the fact that you’re going to disappoint someone.

Creating a “Stop Doing” List

Most teams I’ve worked with have no trouble making a list of things they want to start doing. The vision whiteboards are packed with ideas. But few take the time to name what needs to stop.

A “stop doing” list can be one of the most clarifying exercises your team ever does.

Here’s how you can build one:

Five Discussion Questions for Your Stop-Doing List

Use these in your next team meeting or strategy retreat:

1. What are we doing simply because we’ve always done it?
   Just because it’s historical doesn’t mean it’s helpful. Ask, “If we weren’t already doing this, would we start it now?”
   

2. What’s not producing fruit anymore?
   Don’t confuse busyness with impact. Look at the results, not just the attendance. If you find it hard to measure, keep trying. Every event, every program, every initiative should have a purpose that can be measured.
   

3. What feels heavy, obligatory, or out of alignment with our current vision?
   Ministry should be challenging, but not constantly draining. Some things become dead weight or sideways energy over time.
   

4. Where are we saying yes out of guilt instead of conviction?
   Saying yes to be nice or to avoid conflict often leads to resentment or burnout.
   

5. If we said no to this, what might we have time, energy, or money to say yes to instead?
   This is the flip side of the cost equation. Every no creates margin for something better.

I once coached a church team through this process and they ended up cutting eight events off their annual calendar. At first, it felt like heresy. They thought they would lose hundreds of people and some of their most faithful volunteers. Yes, some left, but within six months, they reported higher engagement, better attendance, and more breathing room for staff and volunteers. The wins weren’t just strategic—they were spiritual.

Say No With Grace and Without Apology

Not every “no” needs to be dramatic. Sometimes it just means quietly letting a thing fade away. Other times, it requires courageous conversations with long-time leaders or passionate volunteers.

But whether you whisper it or announce it, say no with clarity and kindness. You don’t need to over-apologize. You’re not being difficult. You’re being a good steward.

So the next time you feel the pressure to add one more thing—pause.

Protect the vision.

Guard your calendar.

Empower your team.

And remember: Sometimes the most strategic thing you can do is say no.

Download the full list of the 40 Lessons I’ve learned from 40 years in ministry here. My hope is that somewhere in these 40 lessons, you find a reminder that you’re not alone, a challenge that stirs your thinking, or a bit of wisdom that gives you strength for the road ahead.

And check out Season 2 of The LeadingSmart Podcast, where I discuss these 40 lessons in depth.