You Can’t Microwave Trust: How Leaders Really Earn It
You Can’t Microwave Trust: How Leaders Really Earn It
Lesson #16 from 40 Lessons in 40 Years
We live in a world that loves instant results. Fast food, next-day shipping, one-click solutions—we’re conditioned to expect things quickly. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned over the years, it’s this: you can’t microwave trust.
Trust is a slow cooker, not a microwave. It builds gradually—drip by drip—through consistency, humility, and time. And when it’s broken, it drains quickly and refills slowly.
I’ve worked with leaders who had incredible charisma and world-class gifting. They could cast vision with clarity, rally a team with energy, and launch new initiatives with ease. But if their teams didn’t trust them, none of it lasted. Without trust, vision leaks. Communication stalls. Conflict festers. The room gets quieter, and people stop telling the truth.
Trust Is Earned in the Small Things
One of the greatest mistakes a leader can make is assuming that trust comes with a title. It doesn’t. Authority might get you compliance for a while, but it won’t earn you loyalty. What earns trust is showing up consistently, telling the truth when it’s hard, following through on promises, and owning your mistakes.
Trust is built in the hallway conversations, the way you respond to pushback, the tone you use in meetings, and how you treat the person who can’t do anything for you.
When we showed up at Willow in May 2020, I had the title. But that didn’t earn me trust. The organization was hurting, the staff was exhausted. They had been disappointed by previous leaders.
One of the long-time staff members said to me, “Tim, I don’t trust you, and I don’t think I’ll ever trust any leader ever again.”
We had to build trust, one loving conversation at a time. Sometimes earning trust means you have to slow down and realize: no matter how smart the strategy, people won’t move if they don’t trust the leader.
The Fastest Way to Lose Trust? Inconsistency.
It’s amazing how many leaders unintentionally undermine trust by being unpredictable. One week they’re fired up about a new direction, the next week they’ve moved on to something else. They preach grace on Sunday but lead with a heavy hand on Monday. They talk about empowerment but never let go of control.
If you want to build trust, be boring in the best way. Show up. Say what you mean. Keep your word. Be the same person in every room.
And when you mess it up—and you will—own it. Quickly. Publicly if necessary. Nothing builds credibility like a leader who’s humble enough to admit when they got it wrong.
If Trust Is Low, Don’t Push—Connect
If you sense hesitation from your team or resistance from your staff, don’t rush to fix the systems or re-explain the vision. Ask yourself: Have I earned their trust?
When trust is low, it’s rarely a strategic issue. It’s a relational one.
Pick up the phone. Grab lunch. Ask questions. Sit in their shoes for a minute. You might be surprised at what you learn when you stop trying to be impressive and start trying to be present.
A Simple Trust Audit
Here’s a quick exercise: make a list of the top 5 stakeholders in your organization. Think about your lead team, key board members, staff, or high-capacity volunteers.
Now, one by one, ask yourself: On a scale of 1–10, how much do I think this person trusts me—not just as a leader, but as a person?
If the number is lower than you’d like, that’s not a failure. It’s an opportunity. An invitation to slow down, listen more, and invest in the relationship—not just the role.
Lasting Leadership Is Built on Trust
You don’t have to be the smartest person in the room. You don’t have to have the boldest vision or the biggest title. But if you’re trusted—truly trusted—you can lead lasting change.
So if you're tempted to shortcut the process, to microwave trust for the sake of speed or control, remember: what comes quickly rarely lasts.
Slow down. Show up. Stay steady.
Remember – trust is earned in drips and lost in buckets. There’s no shortcut. It’s built through consistency, humility, and time. If you want people to follow you through change, they have to trust your heart—and that only happens when your actions match your words.
Download the full list of the 40 Lessons I’ve learned from 40 years in ministry here. My hope is that somewhere in these 40 lessons, you find a reminder that you’re not alone, a challenge that stirs your thinking, or a bit of wisdom that gives you strength for the road ahead.
And check out Season 2 of The LeadingSmart Podcast, where I discuss these 40 lessons in depth.