One of the habits of a healthy leader is they seek first to understand. When someone disagrees with them, they strive to see the situation through the other person's eyes. When tension or frustration is rising, they drop back to see what they are missing. "What is the context or lived experience of the other individal that I need to understand?"

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Last year I decided to put together a gathering that I would want to attend. It's not a conference. Rather, think “TED Talk meets Roundtable." No endless talking heads or “know-it-all” experts in the room. Intentionally limited to a maximum of 40 leaders. More than that and it starts to feel like an event rather than an intimate gathering where everyone can hear and be heard. The room is safe and the conversations are confidential. 

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I joined the team at Willow Creek in early 2020, and later that year three employees passed their 40-year anniversary on staff. Forty freaking years! And guess what we did to celebrate? Nothing. We didn't even mention it in a staff meeting.

There were a number of reasons for this -- Covid definitely being a factor. But as I asked around, our church never had a history of honoring longevity. The average employee tenure in America is 4.3 years, and yet we had scores of staff members who had been with us through the highs and the lows for decades. As we went to work on improving our organizational health and staff culture, one of the most important things we did was to begin to intentionally say thanks to those who chose to stay on the team year-after-year.

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By adding an unnecessary descriptor (black, hispanic, young, old, female) in a compliment, you can unintentionally diminish the person you are trying to build up. The more adjectives you use in a compliment, especially those that focus on their demographic characteristics, the less impact your words will have.

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You won't be at your job forever. I don't care if you are the founder or you just started last week--we all eventually leave our positions and our organizations. You might leave because of retirement, termination, the organization closes, you get a job offer you can't refuse, the proverbial bus finally hits you, or you just get fed up and resign. However it happens, everyone leaves eventually.

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I’ve had the opportunity to work with hundreds of organizations, and you can always tell when a staff is led by a diminisher. No one speaks up in meetings. Ideas get batted down by the “leader,” so people just learn to stay silent. Why? It’s not worth it. The diminisher is going to do whatever they want regardless of the discussion.

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Here are the facts: Most churches wait way too long to begin having this conversation. Many churches face a leadership transition sooner than they planned (death, debilitating health issues, resignation, scandal). And most churches mess up the succession process, and it takes years to recover.

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We’ve all been around the leaders who is untouchable. They are building their own silo that contains different values and behavior expectations. Senior leaders typically look the other way -- not realizing the significant damage that is being done. Many times they even elevate and celebrate this person based on their performance, not realizing the unintended message they are sending about what really matters (performance) and what doesn't (culture, values, behaviors). 

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Many years ago my work environment had gone from bad to worse. My boss was spinning out of control. Our organization was stressed financially. Horrible decisions were being made to the detriment of me and other employees, and since I was on the lead team, it was making me look bad as well. Our culture was significantly suffering, and it was completely avoidable.

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