Believe the Best (Even When It Costs You)
One of the lessons that has stayed with me the longest, and honestly one of the hardest to live out consistently, is this simple idea:
Believe the best.
It sounds obvious. It sounds idealistic.
But in real leadership, especially in the environments many of us are leading in right now, it’s anything but easy.
When I was asked to reflect on 40 lessons in 40 years, this one rose to the top. And when I was pressed even further, If you could only pick one? This was it.
Not because it always works.
But because the alternative slowly turns leaders into people they never intended to become.
Why this is harder than it sounds
Most of us want people to believe the best about us.
When we’re late, distracted, short, or miss something important, we have a story ready:
“I was dealing with something.”
“It was a crazy week.”
“There’s more context you don’t know.”
But when someone else does the same thing?
We’re quick to assign motive.
“They don’t care.”
“They’re disengaged.”
“They’re being lazy.”
We rarely say it out loud, but it shows up in our tone, our posture, and eventually, our culture.
Believing the best doesn’t mean being irresponsible
One of the tensions leaders feel (and I’ve felt it myself) is this:
“I want to believe the best, but I also have a responsibility to protect the organization.”
That tension is real.
Believing the best does not mean ignoring warning signs, avoiding hard conversations, or failing to do due diligence when something serious is raised. There are moments when leaders have to investigate, ask difficult questions, and steward the organization well.
Believing the best simply means this:
Start with trust, not suspicion.
You assume dignity before guilt.
You ask questions before drawing conclusions.
Or as the old phrase goes: trust, but verify.
Curiosity is the bridge
If there’s one practical habit that makes believing the best possible, it’s curiosity.
Instead of reacting, defending, or assuming, I’ve learned to default to a simple phrase:
“Tell me more.”
That one sentence does a lot of work:
It slows you down
It creates space for context
It communicates respect without agreement
Curiosity doesn’t mean you’ll change your mind. It just means you’re willing to understand how someone got there before deciding what you think about it.
You will get this wrong sometimes
Here’s the honest part.
You will believe the best about someone and eventually find out you were wrong.
That’s inevitable.
But you’ll also get it wrong if you always believe the worst.
The difference is the cost.
Consistent suspicion creates cynicism.
Cynicism leaks into relationships.
And over time, it reshapes culture.
I’ve decided I’d rather get it wrong occasionally by believing the best than live with the constant weight and relational damage of assuming the worst.
Turning this into a cultural value
At Willow Creek, “Believe the Best” didn’t start as a lived value; it started as an aspirational one.
Over time, it became real because leaders:
Modeled it publicly
Interrupted assumption-driven conversations
Asked for more facts before drawing conclusions
Named the value when meetings drifted toward speculation
Culture doesn’t change overnight.
And values like this, the ones that go against human instinct, take time to get into the water.
But when leaders practice it consistently, people notice.
Reflection Questions for Leaders
If this idea is hitting close to home, take a few minutes to reflect:
Where do I tend to assume motive instead of seeking context?
What gaps am I currently filling with suspicion rather than curiosity?
Who could I invite to help me notice when I jump to conclusions?
What would change on my team if we chose to believe the best more often?
Leadership doesn’t require perfection. It requires awareness and intentional practice.
Keep Listening: Season 3 of the LeadingSmart Podcast
This conversation is just one part of Season 3 of the LeadingSmart Podcast, where we’re having honest, real-time conversations about what leadership actually looks like right now, not in theory, but in practice.
If you’re navigating complexity, tension, or change, I think these episodes will serve you well.
Listen to the rest of Season 3.
Let’s keep learning how to lead. Not perfectly, but wisely, humbly, and in real time.
