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Communication Mistakes

The Most Common Mistakes People Make When Communicating Expectations

  1. Barking out “marching orders” without making your directions clear enough that people fully understand and accept them.
  2. Assuming people need only one explanation in order to understand what you expect them to deliver.
  3. Failing to form an expectation clearly yourself before communicating it to others.
  4. Excluding any explanation about “why” you want something done within a specific time frame.
  5. Asking people to do something, but not clearly explaining when you need it done.
  6. Failing to describe the resources available to help people do what you want them to do.
  7. Issuing such specific instructions about what to do and how to do it, that people hesitate to “own it” themselves and think out of the box to ensure the result.

From the book How Did That Happen? by Roger Connors and Tom Smith

Have you seen any of these mistakes being made (by you or others)?

Beer and Bible – My Thoughts

Perhaps you followed our discussion last week about some guys in Utah who are offering a Beer and Bible study in a local lounge. (If not, you gotta at least watch the video). I loved the conversation (more than 80 comments so far) and appreciate the diverse views (from “it is sin!” to “how else will we reach people?”). I promised I’d tell you what I think (which I did in a comment but most people will never make it that far), so, let me say…

I absolutely loved the discussion!

After reading every comment with great interest, I think it comes down to one basic issue. I don’t want to over-simplify, but I think every person’s view of alcohol colors their response. I know my view colors my response…

I don’t drink alcohol. Yes–I’ve had a few of those fruity drinks while sitting on a beach in Mexico (and I should also confess that I LOVE Nyquil), but I’ve never had a beer and don’t drink wine. Why? I love Coke, it’s a lot cheaper, and I’m a tight-wad. But many (most) of my friends drink in my presence–and it’s not an issue for me.

I don’t think alcohol is evil. I don’t think a bar is a den of iniquity. I’ve never had to deal with an alcoholic in my family and I’ve never lost anyone close to me because of the actions of a drunk. Those are all very important factors which color my response.

That being said, I absolutely LOVE what these guys are doing. There is really nothing innovative about Christians having a spiritual conversation in a bar with someone who isn’t yet convinced. That happens every day in every city across our country (praise God!). However, what is innovative is a couple pastor-type dudes who see that as a way to make an impact in a community where there are ZERO non-Mormon churches. They aren’t hanging a banner and saying, “You come to us.” They have made an intentional decision: Let’s go where the people are. That’s exactly what Jesus did when the religious-types were looking down on him for the same thing. He didn’t care what they thought–he went anyway! He didn’t expect or wait for the crowd to come to him (although sometimes they did)–he hung out with them.

You may disagree with the method or location–but these guys hearts are in the right place. They are going to rub shoulders with some people who they would NEVER otherwise reach. They are going to spend time with a grandfather who–without intervention is going to RUIN his family–but he will hear of the grace of Jesus and his life will change–not because he stops drinking, but because he is transformed from the inside out and his values and choices are turned upside down. That’s what Jesus does–and that excites me.

So…I celebrate it. God bless you Charles and Patrick. Carry on.

Frustrated

I’ll admit it…I’m frustrated. Having access to the giving records at the church is both a blessing and a curse. Often I see the giving of a single mom, or elderly widow, or young student–and I am astounded by the sacrifice of their giving. Or I see the unbelievable gifts coming from a business man who I know isn’t rich–and I see how it represents a life of priorities.

But the other side of the coin sometimes leaves me shaking my head in disbelief. I see the name of a strong leader who is giving of his or her time to make things happen in a ministry area–yet I find they give absolutely nothing to the work of Christ at Granger. Or I come across the giving report of a business person who is known to be doing very well–and they give far less than the elderly widow living on social security! Or I see the name of a leader who has petitioned me in the past for more dollars in a certain area–and then I see that they are contributing little to nothing to help us fund such ministry.

It’s frustrating. Not because the church needs their money or God can’t supply for our ministry needs without them. Rather, it’s frustrating because I know what they are missing. Whether you believe in the principle of tithing or not isn’t the issue. I think anyone could agree that God values a generous person–and that we are called to furthering His work here on earth. I believe God blesses generous people. I also believe God withholds blessing from people who are not generous. I hurt for people who select lifestyle choices above the blessing of God on their life.

But for today–I’m going to focus on the people who are giving generously. I wrote letters of thanks to several of them this week. They are the ones making it possible for thousands of people to meet Jesus, find hope, discover forgiveness and make a real impact on our community and around the world.

It Wasn’t Until I Began Accepting Responsibility That Things Turned Around

After writing a post this morning about holding yourself accountable, I heard about this speech that NFL star Steve Young gave yesterday to a group of students at Elon University. I think it’s a perfect fit. (Thanks to David Morton for sending this to me).

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What do you think about what Steve said?

Include Yourself When Holding Others Accountable

I just started reading a book called How Did That Happen? by Roger Connors and Tom Smith. This is a book all about “holding people accountable for results the positive, principled way.”

One of the things the authors suggest early in the book (page 20) is that we often make the mistake of blaming others when something goes wrong. Rather than just pointing your finger at an individual or the team, they suggest that you include yourself in the accountability equation. They write that when you include yourself in the assessment of what went wrong, it does several things:

  • Creates more positive relationships where people feel that you deal fairly with them and acknowledge the whole story and not just the part that emphasizes what they did or did not do.
  • Helps you learn from your experiences when things go wrong because you no longer attribute the reasons for failure solely to someone else.
  • Gets the process of fulfilling expectations back on track because you are willing to look objectively at “what else” you can do to ensure the outcome now and in the future.
  • Develops a culture where everyone on the team can follow your example and become part of the solution, not just part of the problem.
  • Establishes a positive work environment where people give their best effort because they feel motivated by principles that feel right and fair.

How did you act the last time expectations weren’t met? I’ve worked with leaders who blamed the team when things fell apart, but took all the credit when things went well. My encouragement? Don’t be one of those leaders.

Creating a Culture of Volunteerism

I received an email from a pastor who read my post titled You’ll Never Have Enough Staff last week. His church has around 700 in attendance and he was getting ready to hire a children’s pastor that he described would have been a “dumb, knee-jerk decision.” He read my post and said, “I’m now going to spend my time motivating our congregation to do the work instead of spending time worrying about how to fund another pastor.”

I wrote back the following…

If it is any comfort, we were a church of 1,000 in attendance before we hired our first children’s ministry staff. And yet—people would have said our children’s ministry was rockin! I believe it was because there was a real culture from the beginning that we are going to do ministry through volunteers. You might think of the next 6 months as a full-press campaign on changing the culture. Might include…

  • A weekend series surrounding making a difference with your life and finding significance.
  • A volunteer expo that goes along with the series.
  • Training for current volunteers that THEY are the ones best-suited to invite people into ministry.
  • Make sure your systems allow volunteers to bring people with them to certain situations.
  • Show videos that highlight some of the under-exposed ministry areas.

I’ll dive into each of these ideas in more detail at the Simply Strategic Volunteers workshop in Orlando next month–but what do you think about my advice to this pastor? What would you add?

You’ll Never Have Enough Staff

When I was hired to join the team at Granger we had 400 people and 5 staff members. And we all did everything. I remember in those early days thinking, When we can just hire one more person, then things will be good. Or I’d visit a church with 15 or 20 staff and think, Man—must be nice to have so much money and so many staff members. Someday when we get there—life will be nice!

I’ve now been at Granger more than fifteen years. I’ve seen it grow from 400 to more than 5,000. I’ve served with a church staff team as small as 5 people and as many as 95. And we have never had enough staff. It has never been comfortable. We’ve always gone into every year wanting to hire more people than we’ve been able to. And over the past three years—we’ve actually had to reduce staff while the ministry continues to grow.

I’ve visited hundreds of other churches…and I’ve actually never talked to a pastor who thought he had enough staff. I’ve never met a team who had so much money they could hire anyone they wanted.

Whether yours is a church of a hundred, a thousand, or ten thousand, if your goal is to accomplish the Great Commission, you will never have enough staff. If you think you’re the exception and you have enough staff, then you need to get a bigger dream. Are all the people within driving distance of your church already following Christ, growing in their faith, and taking steps in their spiritual journey? No? I didn’t think so. If you think you have enough staff, you may need to ask God for the perspective to see the need around you!

And you know what? Not having enough staff is a good thing. It forces us to our knees. It requires that we get really smart about the priorities of the church. It compels us toward creativity and innovation. And it makes us get serious about leveraging the time and talents of our volunteers.

I’ve been to churches in which the pastors do everything and the church members see it as their responsibility to warm the pews and “keep the pastor accountable.” Where is that in the Bible? Instead of agonizing over how to find the money to hire staff, what if you spent your time figuring out how to motivate the members to take part in the ministry. Your church may have a long and rich tradition of laziness. The pastors or leaders who preceded you may have bought into the lie that they were supposed to do everything. They may have spent their time teaching the congregation about the nuances of transubstantiation, but forgot to mention that God wants them actively involved in the lives of others. It may take months or years to transform your church into an army of volunteers that influences your community through service and love.

At Granger, 60% of our adults are serving—and I’m going to spend an entire day talking about volunteers (recruiting, leading, affirming, motivating, redirecting and more). It’s in Orlando during the Exponential Conference. This venue is intentionally small (probably around 50), so plenty of time to interact and address your specific question. Let me know if you plan to join me there.

Breast Milk Cheese

My wife thinks this is awesome. I think it’s absolutely disgusting. What say you?

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Village Elder Baptized Today in India

We just received this video report from our team that is in India.

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When Our Plans Came Crashing Down

Everything was set. For months last year we worked on finding a date that Mitch Albom could visit Granger and talk about his spiritual journey. About four months ago we finally landed on a date that worked. We designed a series called Have A Little Faith, titled after his book, and began publicizing the event.

I’ll admit–I was surprised by the response. (I shouldn’t have been…I mean it makes sense that a guy who has sold 26 million books and appears regularly on ESPN might have a few fans). But it’s probably the most energized I have seen our crowd in years about inviting their friends. We spent thousands of dollars on promotion and you could feel the momentum building. By last week, we were already talking that the Mitch Albom weekend might be bigger than Easter.

And that’s when Thursday became not just another day

2:43am – An email is sent from a representative of Mitch’s team saying that he “just received a disturbing email.” Of course, we are all sleeping. No one gets the message.

7:04am – Mark Waltz gets the worm (he’s the early bird) and also gets the email. He forwards it to me, but of course, I’m still sleeping.

8:35am – I get the email forwarded from Waltz. It doesn’t look good. Mitch is out of the country and won’t be able to get back in time for any speaking engagements next week. (Uh, yeah, he’s supposed to be here in ten days!). We can’t tell if this is a “possibly” or “for sure” thing. Is there still an outside chance he’s coming? I call Kem Meyer (who has been our point of contact) and she is already trying to contact the rep to confirm.

9:10am – I call Jason Miller and give him a heads up. Most our team is heading out of the country, so the “weekend formerly known as Mitch Albom” is already programmed and everyone is leaving. Tomorrow.

9:40am – Jami calls our mail fulfillment house and puts the postcards set to mail today on hold. A call just a few hours later would have cost us an additional $10,000.

9:55am – Still not able to reach our contact, we start making stuff up. Seeing that Mitch was on the Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson just two nights previous talking about a children’s orphanage in Haiti–we assume his heart has been captured by those children and he’s refusing to do any more speaking engagements until he finishes building the orphanage. His website also seems to indicate that his focus is on Haiti. But we are just grasping at straws. We really have no idea.

10:24am – I email out a possible replacement series with the disclaimer: “Came to me in the shower. Not sure if it’s good or not.” Here is my actual proposal.

10:45am – This new idea begins to take shape. We are disappointed. Others will be disappointed. What if we talk straight about how to deal with disappointment? It fits the weekend programming pretty well. It connects to the reason we think that Mitch is canceling. Our team rallies — one of the staff suggests that we actually raise money for Mitch’s orphanage in Haiti on the weekend that he’s not here. If it has captured his heart so much that he’d cancel an engagement in front of thousands of people…let’s just get behind it and see what happens! The team starts getting excited.

11:30am – Jason and I meet with Rob Wegner and Mark Beeson and bring them up to speed: Mitch canceled. We think he’s in Haiti but haven’t confirmed. We’ve designed a new series called “When Life Sucks.” We might even raise money for his orphanage. After a few minutes of groaning (from the news, not the Moes burritos), we are all on the same page and give it a green light.

2:21pm – Mark Beeson calls me back. Still likes the concept, but having second thoughts about the title with the “S” word. I call the team, and fifteen minutes later they have a new title and are working on a new design.

4:20pm – We still don’t know if Mitch is in Haiti, so we take any mention of the orphanage off the promotion piece (knowing we can always focus on it “live”) and finalize the design which has to go to the printer before 5:00pm. See design below.

4:45pm – We begin talking about how we will give the crowd this “bad news” on the weekend. Remember, thousands of people have invited friends. It is our desire to be authentic about the disappointment without trashing anyone. We’ll make the announcement at the end of the service.

5:19pm – I send an email to our entire staff team letting them know of the news and asking them to help us communicate this weekend.

6:27pm – We finally get word on the reason for the cancellation. Mitch is not in Haiti. He’s in Singapore. Then heading to Australia and then New Zealand. Why? He is on a book tour and his team double-booked him. It was totally human error. They are very sorry. Later in the weekend Mitch calls me from Singapore to apologize. He feels very bad and is really hoping we can re-book.

And that, my friends, was the day our plans came crashing down. There is no possible way I could be prouder of our team who took very bad news on a very busy day and came up with an amazing solution. You can’t do that with stinky attitudes, low-capacity leaders or a team full of doers. They soared under pressure–and I believe God is going to use the next three weekends in ways we could never imagine.

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