In my fight against identity theft, I've spent an inordinate amount of time recently trying to call the customer service departments for various companies. It has been enough to cause me to come up with a Customer Service 101 list:
- Don't play a recording that says "we are experiencing an unusually high call volume right now." Just fix your infrastructure.
- Don't send me to a call center in India. I love the people of India, but I need to be able to understand the person I'm talking to.
- Don't ask me to "Press 1 for English." This is America. Our language is English. How about, "Press 1 if you don't speak English."
- Don't continually give me a different number to call. Figure out a way to transfer calls within your own company. It's not that hard.
- Don't play a 30-second music loop when we both know I'm going to be on hold for more than 30-minutes. That means I have to listen to the same piece of music more than 60-times.
- Don't hang up on me. When I call your customer service department at 9:30pm and you are open until 10pm and I stay on hold listening to your insane music loop for 30 minutes waiting for you to answer and then you disconnect my call at exactly 10:00pm--it doesn't make me think pleasant thoughts about you.
- Don't ask me to enter my credit card number, social security number and zip code--and then ask me for the same exact information when a live person comes on the line.
- Don't assume that you know why I'm calling. Your menu of options might not meet my needs. Always give me a way to talk to a live person...in America.
- Don't try to up-sell me. I'm calling because I'm unhappy with your company. I need you to fix something. Don't try to sell me more until you've made me happy.
- Don't call me back with a customer service survey. It's a nice gesture, but I really don't want to talk to you anymore. If you want to know what I think, just read my blog.
That's all I have time to write...I need to call more 1-800 numbers so I can listen to more music.