LeadingSmart

I'm 39-years old...

Yep, I'm 39-years old for a few more hours. June 13th is my official birthday and I turn the big 40 this year. Hasn't been too traumatic yet. I was thinking earlier this week of some of the things I've been able to experience in my short life thus far...

• Born into a great family and still have close relationships with my extended family.
• Heard live speeches from three different presidents (Reagan, Clinton, GW Bush).
• Gained huge experience with Life Action and ministered in more than 750 churches.
• Visited 49 states and several foreign countries including China, India, Albania, Slovakia and Arkansas.
• Met a great woman and had four great kids.
• Wrote and published three books with a dear friend.
• Experienced great strides in technology including the microwave oven, personal computer, email, cell phone and low-rise jeans.
• Been able to personally meet some great Christians of our day including Bill Hybels, Rick Warren, Andy Stanley, Ed Young Jr., Chuck Colson and Bob the Tomato.
• Privileged to be a part of one of the greatest churches in America from the time we had just a few hundred gathering in a rented movie theater.

That's just a short list of things that immediately pop into my mind. I have truly been blessed. If you don't agree, at least give me points for using "truly" and "blessed" in the same sentence.

The next time I blog--I'll be a 40-year old.

Floating Around in my Head

Random stuff in my head...

• In two weeks we'll conduct our third all-church survey in the past 15-months. More later.
• Next week I'll be faith-less. That is, my wife (Faith) will be with my oldest daughter on an 8th-grade trip to Washington D.C. I'll be Mr. Mom at home with the other three. Should be fun.
• I just bought tickets for the Linkin Park  concert on September 1st in Chicago. I hate to admit it...but this is my first real concert. Unless you count New Song, Steven Curtis Chapman or Jump Five. Like I said, my first real concert.
• I'm changing phones. Debating between the Motorola Q and the Helio Ocean. Any advice?
• It's official -- I'm building a 150' zipline in the backyard. All the materials are in...hope to start this weekend.
• Mark Beeson has discovered text messaging. They are in Florida right now with all their kids and spouses. I love his daily updates. Today's included the word "vomit."
• Both of my favorite shows conclude this week. 24 ended on Monday with a bang (literally). Not their finest season, but still love the show.
• Lost ends tonight with a two-hour season finale. Still one of the most suspenseful shows on TV. Some people bailed earlier in the season. Get online and finish the season, you won't be disappointed.
• I don't think she fully feels it, but I really love my sister. She is a great mom, wife, teacher, pastors' wife and friend. And a bonus - she has a great husband.
• I'm leaving my 30's soon. It's not bothering me yet. I did go through an age crisis in my mid-30's, so perhaps I'm good for another few years.
• I'm taking my 12-year old (Megan) with me to the Willow Arts conference. She loves worship music and the arts...I think she'll enjoy it.
• I just started a weight-loss competition with a couple of good friends. All of us are going to lose ten pounds in the next five weeks. I'm going to win.
• Looking forward to the Buzz Conference next month.

Scary, huh.

Weekend Randomness

Stuff in my head...

• Last week I was at Circuit City and told someone as we left, "This place is going down. They've forgotten how to serve customers." Just a day later they announced they were laying off 8% of their employees because they are paid too much. At the same time, Best Buy's profits are up 18%.
• Looking forward to a week in Aruba with my wife. We leave in less than four weeks!
• My oldest son turns 10 tomorrow. Yesterday he jumped on me and I lost my balance and fell on Faith who was laying on the floor. He laughed and said, "If you guys have another baby, I guess it's my fault." Maybe he was listening better than I thought he was when we had the big talk last year.
• I was never into video games growing up. I pretty much thought people who played them were wasting time. So why did I buy an XBox 360 as a 39-year old a few months ago? Not sure, but I'm finding there is something therapeutic about killing bad guys in Rainbow Six or Ghost Recon 2.
• My oldest daughter turned 14 last week. Tomorrow she will be driving, the next day going to college, and the day after that getting married. I'm thinking about duct taping her to her bed and not letting her grow up.
• I'm getting excited about teaching workshops on the road in a few weeks. We already have over 200 signed up in Atlanta and the registrations are starting to pick up for Miami also.
• Supposedly Studio 60 has six more new episodes that will be aired this season. Wahoo!
• I'll be installing a 150-foot long zip line in my backyard this spring. I'm finalizing the design and checking on my liability insurance.
• The Planet Earth series on the Discovery Channel is the #1 reason you need a high definition television. In one word: Unbelievable. If you don't have HDTV, find a friend who does and invite yourself over. It's not rude. Just ask this girl who has invited her family to our house for a special viewing.
• They just installed digital movie projectors in our Elkhart Carmike cinemas. I believe these are the first ones in this area. Amazing difference, and it makes it worth it to drive a few extra minutes.

This Made Me Mad

I got my latest edition of the "Hoosier United Methodists Together" newspaper on Friday. I usually skim it to see if there is anything positive happening in our conference.

My eye stopped on the article called: "Indy Church Focuses on Global Warming as Vision to Make Difference." Now, I have nothing against helping save the environment. That's all good. But it angered me to realize our conference is raising this church up as a great example, a church to follow.

Let me explain. According to the article (written by the pastor), a United Methodist church in Indianapolis has declared their goal for 2007 to "Fight Global Warming." To lead the way, the pastor sold his SUV and bought a small hybrid car. Their focus in January is to have every family calculate their carbon footprint. In February, they want everyone to swap out their incandescent light bulbs for flourescent ones. In March, they are all going to contact their politicians.

This is a church that had 143 members 10 years ago. Now they have 110 members. Ten years ago they had 90 people attending. In the most recent report they have 77 coming.

I have a thought. How about if they make a goal to introduce someone to Christ this month? What if they educate their people on sharing their faith so they can reverse their decline? What if they set a goal of seeing marriages restored? How about helping their people become followers of Christ in a way that would impact their community? Maybe the objective for 2007 could be "Make Disciples."

Again, I have nothing against fighting global warming. Or saving whales. Or rescuing lonely butterflies. But let's keep first things first and keep the mission of the church crystal clear. There are scores of organizations that can do those things. But the church is the one institution that carries the message of the gospel and is the hope of the world.

Am I off base in my anger?

Forgiveness

I had a good dialogue last week with a friend (Amy Franklin) about forgiveness. She blogged about the topic, and asked the reading world several questions about what it means to forgive, are we supposed to forget, how do we get past the hurt even after we forgive? You can read her original thoughts here.

She got me thinking, and here are the thoughts I left on her blog:

That's a tough one Amy, and one that I'm having to practice again this week in a very real way.

For me, forgiveness has never been about forgetting. Pain lingers. Consequences don't end with a few nice words. A girl might forgive her mom's friend for molesting her over and over...but the guy should still go to jail (and, in my opinion, be castrated) and the girl will never ever forget it. It will mark her for the rest of her life.

I think forgiveness is about releasing the person. You are saying, "I no longer am reserving the right to punish you...I'm releasing you to the hands of God." Forgiveness doesn't mean the relationship can be the same. It doesn't mean you start hanging out with the person. It's an internal deal that the holy spirit works within you.

Sometimes it means going to the individual and letting them know that they are forgiven. But, sometimes they don't even know about it or they have long forgotten it--and in those cases it is a deal between you and Jesus. In those times, I have found it very therapeutic to write a letter to them with no plans of ever delivering it. I explain the depth of the hurt as clearly as I can, and then I release them, forgive them, tell them with God's grace I'll never hold it against them again. The letter stays between me and Jesus--but it helps.

Keep pursuing this. I don't think forgiveness ever gets easy. Bitterness and resentment is usually the path of least resistance. But it also tears you up, makes you cynical, steals your joy, diminishes your health, exposes a critical heart, and ultimately decreases your sensitivity so it is easier to hurt others without even knowing it.

You are on a good path Amy. These are good questions.

Baldness, Quickies, and Other Christmas Stories

It's December again--the time we typically send a  letter out to update distant friends and relatives about the life and times of the Stevens' family. One year ago, this is the letter we sent:

December 2005

As I sit down to write this letter, I’m a little concerned that we are going to get a reputation. That’s right…it’s the second year in a row that we’ve written a year-end letter and mailed it on time. In fact, I probably should hold this letter until February just so you don’t get used to it. Otherwise, by year three you’ll develop a welfare mindset. You’ll expect it. You’ll even begin to demand it. You’ll picket my house with “letter rights” banners and sue me for the pain and anguish that I’ve caused you. I need to think about this…I’m not sure it’s worth it.

By now you’ve already looked at our family picture, and you have noticed how aerodynamic that I look. Yep, I shaved my head late this summer. Because I’m psychic, I know that your first question is, “Why?” and your second question is, “What does Faith think?”

The easy answer to “why” is that I’m having a mid-life crisis. Most men would be too proud to admit that, so I’m feeling good about my emotional and mental health. My hair has been slowly disappearing for about 15 years, and it’s not like the receding hairline was going to reverse its direction. So I just sped up the process. It could be worse…I didn’t pierce my nose or buy a sports car or trade in my wife for a newer model. Nope, just shaved my head.

For the most part, I’ve enjoyed the feedback I’ve received. Several people have told me how much younger it makes me look. I’ve been described as “modern” and “hip.” My sister even told me I looked like a “cool youth pastor.” I really don’t like youth, but I think she meant it as a good thing. Of course, there have been some priceless looks by more than a few people who have pretended not to notice so they wouldn’t be forced to lie to me and say they like it. And, a few older folks have asked me if I’m getting chemo treatments. It’s beyond their imagination that I would choose this.

I started asking Faith about two years ago if I could shave my head. At first she said, “No way!” Then after awhile she said, “No!” A few months after that she said, “Absolutely not!” Then, earlier this year, in a moment of weakness she said, “Go ahead and get it out of your system.” Now she really likes it. She hasn’t said this, but I think it’s possible that it even makes her heart beat fast. Not the “oh-I’m-going-to-have-a-stroke” kind of fast, but the “you-are-such-a-hunk-of-a-man” type of fast heart beat.

(Faith just did a quick proof-read on this letter. She thinks it’s great, but wonders if I should say something about her or the kids. She’s got a good point. Here goes…)

Tonight we attended Taylor’s preschool Christmas show. We were glad he was on the front row. Of course it was almost guaranteed since he is shorter than most Chihuahua’s. He’s five years old, is very smart, and loves to learn and work on crafts. He freaks people out when he talks, though. Because of his size they expect him to say “Da Da” – and so when he begins to recite Shakespeare it is a little alarming to people. Like when those Beavers began talking in that Narnia movie. Just doesn’t seem right.

Hunter is now eight-years old. He is still all about adventure and trying things that have never been tried before. He and Taylor love to play together and spend hours working on K’Nex or Magnetix. He’s also a Nintendo-crazed maniac, and lives for the limited time that he is allowed to play. He’s really quite funny and we love having him around the house.

Then there is our 11-year old, Megan. She is enjoying 5th grade and being the big girl on campus. I think she likes being one of the tallest girls in her class. She’s beginning to develop some great friendships, is learning to make good choices even when friends don’t, and also likes having a room to herself now (since her sister moved downstairs).

Heather is already half-way through middle school. She excelled at cross country again this year, and even ran in a couple of regional 5k races. Heather loves 7th grade, enjoys staying busy, is very driven to try everything, and can’t stand sitting around doing nothing. She still loves singing, gymnastics and swimming and can’t wait for…well, everything. Her most famous phrase everyday is, “I can’t wait for _______.” Everyday it’s something new.

This fall has been a transitional time for Faith. It’s the first time in 12-years she’s had some time to herself. She stopped babysitting, and several days a week she has a few hours where all the kids are in school. I don’t think she’s been bored at all. I know that because I keep waiting for her to call the office and ask me to come home for a “quickie” (you know, one of those microwaveable pizzas).

I continue to stay busy in my role at the church. We just finished up a $7-million expansion to make room for more people. My third book, Simply Strategic Growth (written with my friend Tony Morgan) came out in June. We’re pretty tired of writing books right now, but we are starting a weekly podcast. So if you are an iPod or iTunes kind of person, we’d love you to tune in and tell us what you think. If you have no idea what I’m talking about, find someone under 30-years old and ask them.

Family is more important to me than ever. Yesterday I didn’t have any kids and tomorrow they’ll be in college. Every day is precious. We are trying to capitalize on the moment. This past summer we took a 23-day, 7400-mile, cross-country road trip. It was a hoot! We visited Mt. Rushmore, Yellowstone, the Tetons, the Redwood forest, Disneyland, Las Vegas, Grand Canyon, Royal Gorge and several friends. It was a great time of just being together as a family.

I’ve also started weekly dates with each of the girls. I’ll do the same with the boys when they are a little older. It’s a time to download about school, life, and relationships. I think I surprised them both when I told them, “I don’t give a rip what kind of grades you get as long as you are doing your best. What I care about most is how you are doing relationships and how you are doing with the choices you are making.”

That’s all for this year.

Tim, Faith, Heather, Megan, Hunter & Taylor

He Gives and Takes Away

Last Thursday evening, Trace Rorie led our church in the song, "Blessed Be The Name of the Lord." I generally don't like any song that has the word "blessed" in it. (I don't know why, perhaps I had a hymnal thrown at me as a child). But this song always gets me thinking.

The final chorus says: "You give and take away, You give and take away, My heart will choose to say, Lord blessed be Your name."

While we were singing, I looked over at my kids. And I wondered, if one of them were taken, could I sing, "You give and take away, Lord blessed be Your name"?

Jim Miller was sitting in the row behind me. Earlier this year he lost his wife of over 50 years. If that happened to me, could I sing, "You give and take away, Lord blessed be Your name"?

I looked up at the stage and began thinking of two of my dearest friends who were taken out of my life two years ago last month. They didn't die, but they might as well have. One day they were part of my life and the next day they were gone. I remembered how long it took me to be able to sing, "You give and take away, Lord blessed be Your name."

I think about losing my parents, my sister, my brother, my loving wife, or a good friend. I actually think about it alot, it's probably my greatest fear. I don't wonder about God's sustaining grace or worry about the afterlife. I just hate the concept of death and don't want to lose those that I love. I supposed that is true of all of us to some degree.

I suppose that's why the song says, "My heart will choose to say, Lord blessed be Your name." It's a choice. I just pray that I'll have the grace to make that choice when the time comes. And if I can't, I pray there will be friends at my side who won't give up on me until I'm able to sing this song again.

Leaving the Prescribed Path

Last night I told my dad that the kids are doing well in school. Heather (8th grade) and Megan (6th grade) both got a 4.0 in the first quarter, and Hunter (4th grade) just tested at an 8th grade level in all three areas that are measured. Taylor (K) has mastered everything he is supposed to know when entering 1st grade.

My dad said that Faith must have really good genes. That's probably true. Neither of my parents finished college. My brother, Joe, didn't finish either. Me? Well, I never started. My sister, Dena, is the lone college graduate on my side of the family.

A few years back a friend said to me, "It's really cool that you don't act self-conscious about not attending college." My reply was, "Dude, it's not an act." (If I'd gone to college, I probably would have known not to say "dude" in a sentence). His paradigm said if you are going to accomplish something in life, you go to college. In fact, that was (and still is) the prescribed path for all high school graduates who plan on getting a good job and living the American dream.

I'm grateful for parents who let me pursue God's will rather than going the normal path. I'm grateful for the wise advice of adults around me who knew me well--they encouraged me to continue being a learner as a way of life. They said things like, "Never stop asking questions.  You don't need the structure of college if you just determine to never stop learning."

I think sometimes we follow the "prescribed path" blindly without asking the question, "Is that the right path for me?" We follow the normal or cultural thing to do--and possibly miss doing something unusual or revolutionary.

What direction might God want to take our churches if we thought outside-the-box, if we didn't just jump on the band-wagon of the latest and greatest method?

Customer Non-Service

In my fight against identity theft, I've spent an inordinate amount of time recently trying to call the customer service departments for various companies. It has been enough to cause me to come up with a Customer Service 101 list:

1. Don't play a recording that says "we are experiencing an unusually high call volume right now." Just fix your infrastructure.
2. Don't send me to a call center in India. I love the people of India, but I need to be able to understand the person I'm talking to.
3. Don't ask me to "Press 1 for English." This is America. Our language is English. How about, "Press 1 if you don't speak English."
4. Don't continually give me a different number to call. Figure out a way to transfer calls within your own company. It's not that hard.
5. Don't play a 30-second music loop when we both know I'm going to be on hold for more than 30-minutes. That means I have to listen to the same piece of music more than 60-times.
6. Don't hang up on me. When I call your customer service department at 9:30pm and you are open until 10pm and I stay on hold listening to your insane music loop for 30 minutes waiting for you to answer and then you disconnect my call at exactly 10:00pm--it doesn't make me think pleasant thoughts about you.
7. Don't ask me to enter my credit card number,  social security number and zip code--and then ask me for the same exact information when a live person comes on the line.
8. Don't assume that you know why I'm calling. Your menu of options might not meet my needs. Always give me a way to talk to a live person...in America.
9. Don't try to up-sell me. I'm calling because I'm unhappy with your company. I need you to fix something. Don't try to sell me more until you've made me happy.
10. Don't call me back with a customer service survey. It's a nice gesture, but I really don't want to talk to you anymore. If you want to know what I think, just read my blog.

That's all I have time to write...I need to call more 1-800 numbers so I can listen to more music.

I've Entered the World of Facebook

If you don't know what facebook.com is, don't sweat it. It's just another way to provide a feed for this blog so facebook users can read it in the context of their daily relational connections.

If you do use facebook, be sure to tag me as one of your "friends." See my page here.

Now that I've entered the world of facebook, Jason Miller tells me that I'm "absolutely one of the hippest guys 'your age' I know." Hmmm. How old do you suppose Jason thinks I am?