Holiday Burn-Out

Guest Post from Dr. Paul White, co-author of The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace

The holiday marathon from mid-November to early January is challenging for most pastors and ministry leaders, and unfortunately, the goal often is just to survive.  The demands from Thanksgiving through New Year’s are intense – time-wise, emotionally, relationally, organizationally and spiritually.  And if the demands of the holidays aren’t managed well, a minister may either blow out (usually with their family) or come out of the other side looking like a cat caught under the hood of a car started unexpectedly.

Can anything be done to alleviate the stress level and make life more live-able?  The obvious answer is “yes,” ministry leaders can survive (and even thrive) during this stressful time, and there is also hope for those who are being ministered to. The core concept here is appreciation, which is applied differently for leaders and lay members.

Feeling appreciated by the staff and volunteers who minister with you and those to whom you minister serves to inoculate leaders from the hardships of the holidays.  When a pastor feels valued for who they are and their ministry to others, it’s like bubble-wrap around a holiday package: it protects them from experiencing every little bump, criticism or disappointment along the way.

Think of it this way:  do you think you would minister more effectively if you felt genuinely appreciated by your staff and congregation?  Sure, you would.  You would be more energized, passionate, committed and be able to persevere through difficult circumstances if you knew those around you truly valued what you are trying to accomplish.

So what is a pastor to do?  Cue others, “Hey, how about a little appreciation here?”

While I wouldn’t recommend that approach, it is true that one of the best things ministry leaders can do is to let those around them know how to encourage and support them.  Most team members and congregational members want to support their ministers, and try to, but often they miss the mark.  For example, a congregation member might tell you, “Great sermon, pastor!” or write you a thank-you note, but words of appreciation might not do much for you. You might be more encouraged if people showed their appreciation through action, helping you get the storage room straightened up or shoveling the sidewalk before a service.

We know that different people experience appreciation and encouragement in different ways – through different languages of appreciation, such as words of affirmation, gifts, or acts of service. But how are your church members and staff going to know how to encourage you, unless you tell them what is meaningful to you?

We have found that when leaders open up and share – “If you want to do something that would encourage me, or really make me feel supported, you could … “ – then a wonderful synergy is set into action:  people start to communicate appreciation in the ways that are meaningful to the leader, the minister is effectively encouraged, and then they also feel good about meeting their minister’s needs. It’s a win-win scenario.

Think of it as telling your family members what you would like for Christmas.  You aren’t saying: “You should buy me a gift,” but rather, “If you are going to get me something for Christmas, here are some things I’d like.”  Don’t you think people want to give you what is meaningful to you?  Then let them—you’ll enjoy your holiday season a lot more.

Author Bio: Dr. Paul White is a business consultant and psychologist, and is the coauthor of The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace with Dr. Gary Chapman. For more information, check out AppreciationAtWork.com.

Dear Satan

It’s not going to work. I’m on to you. We are on to you.

I know you are not omni-present. You can only be in one place at a time. For decades I’ve watched you wreak havoc around the world, but rarely have I felt you in my town, messing with my friends, focused on my church. But it seems like you planted yourself squarely at our doorstep over the past few weeks. It’s almost like Someone said to you, “Consider my servants in Granger–there are many there who follow Me without question. And I am getting ready to do some really big stuff through them.”

And so you came. And you might still be here.

• Two weeks ago I learned that a friend on our staff lost his mother. She died suddenly the day after Thanksgiving.
• Two days later I learned that a couple on our staff is struggling through the very scary reality of breast cancer.
• The next day I learn that my sister’s husband has been diagnosed with ALS. No cure.
• Then I learn that one of my closest friends–a guy who I thought I’d be working beside for the next 20 years–can no longer stay on our staff.
• A day later, another friend finds she may be facing skin cancer.
• The next day, one of our senior team members drops suddenly to the sidewalk vomiting, and spends the night in the ER.
• Then he learns a couple days later that his grandma died.
• This this morning we learn that Mark’s mom died.

There are moments, sometimes hours, even days, when I think it’s working. I am shaken to my core. It’s hard to keep putting one foot in front of the other. It’s hard to see the hand of God.

Like last Tuesday night when I sat with hundreds of students and parents as they learned their youth pastor would no longer be their youth pastor–that the man they looked up to had let them down. At that moment, it was hard to see the hand of God. Instead, I saw your hand. Someone said to me, “All things work together for good!” But I wasn’t ready to hear that. I watched a row of high school girls in front of me hear the news as tears streamed down their faces, and I wanted to scream. I imagined you standing in the back of the room with a grin on your face.

Two days ago I sat with my brother-in-law and sister, as he told his church that he is facing a life-ending illness–and quite possibly has a very short amount of time to live. I looked around at the teens in his church, who he has led faithfully for 12 years, as they learned for the first time of their pastors’ disease. And I wondered if you were in the back of the room, praying to whoever you pray to that the faith of these kids would be irreparably shaken: “Surely they won’t follow a God that allows this to happen.”

At the end of that service, I sat next to my sister as the congregation was led to sing “Blessed Be The Name of the Lord.” Honestly, I wasn’t ready to sing it. My heart was too heavy. My strength too sapped. So if that was your goal, then put a point in your column.

But you need to know, you aren’t going to win. I don’t have the energy right now to pray some Heavenly words of faith against you. But I know in my heart that you are the ultimate loser. You may discourage us; you may win some battles; you may cause some to lose their way; you may distract us for a season; you may even take people away from us that we love–but in the end, you lose.

Since I know you hate Scripture, let me quote some:

“We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed and broken. We are perplexed, but we don’t give up and quit. We are hunted down, but God never abandons us. We get knocked down, but we get up again and keep going.” (2 Corinthians 4:8-9).

I am convinced more than ever that God is preparing to unleash His power and work through the people of Granger Community Church like never before.

I would suggest you get out of the way.

Tim

When You Can’t Trace His Hand, Trust His Heart

When I was 15 or 16 years old, I discovered New Song–a “Christian rock group” as they were known at the time. Their music gave words to me as an introverted teen who didn’t know how to express what was going on inside. A song called Trust His Heart was especially helpful to me when a teacher and close friend was killed in a car accident. I’ve never forgotten the words.

It has all come back to me again in the past couple weeks as we’ve been facing pain as a church family, and as my personal family is facing some difficult days ahead. When you can’t trace His hand, trust His heart.

All things work for our good
Though sometimes we don’t see how they could
Struggles that break our hearts in two
Sometimes blind us to the truth
Our Father knows what best for us
His ways are not our own
So when your pathway grows dim
And you just don’t see Him
Remember you’re never alone

God is too wise to be mistaken
God is too good to be unkind
So when you don’t understand
When you don’t see His plan
When you can’t trace His hand
Trust His heart
Trust His heart

He sees the master plan
And He holds our future in His hand
So don’t live as those who have no hope
All our hope is found in Him
We see the present clearly
But He sees the first and the last
And like a tapestry
He’s weaving you and me
To someday be just like Him

God is too wise to be mistaken
God is too good to be unkind
So when you don’t understand
When you don’t see His plan
When you can’t trace His hand
Trust His heart
Trust His heart
He alone is faithful and true
He alone knows what is best for you

God is too wise to be mistaken
God is too good to be unkind
So when you don’t understand
When you don’t see His plan
When you can’t trace His hand
Trust His heart
Trust His heart

Listen to the song Trust His Heart (Album)

Learning from Teens

Last night the teens in our church received some very difficult news. You might think Facebook and Twitter would be full of whining, complaining and gossip from those who are hurting.

Quite the contrary. The words I’m reading today give me confidence, once again, in the amazing students in our church.

Some examples:

• “You are not the mistakes you’ve made.” (Olivia Usenick)
• “Through prayer, time, and tears, we will continue to trust our Lord God.” (Ashley Tucker)
• “It’s mighty comforting that our response is love. That’s what a church body should do…We love like Christ loves us. I feel honored to be a part of a family who supports each other.” (Sam Petersen)
• “Romans 6:11 – ‘in the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus’.” (Jacob Powell)
• “…Forgiveness is the first step toward acceptance….” (Austin Arredondo)
• “Stay strong, family. We know the end of the story. Jesus wins.” (Eden Wittendorf)
• “Stand together.” (Theodore Thatcher)
• “We are all here for each other and to continue this awesome ministry!” (Cory Wonderly)
• “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Philippians 4:13) #tenfingerprayer” (Brittany Jacquay)
• “I’m so thankful for such an awesome GSM family. We are all here for each other, and we will always be.” (Ashleigh Nicole Mattei)
• “Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you (Ephesians 4:32).” (Linsey Allie)
• “Matthew 5:4 – ‘God blesses those who mourn, for they will be comforted.’ Get into the Bible people, it’s very clear and will help.” (Ben Bartkowiak)
• “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so you may be mature and complete, not lacking in anything – James 1:2-4″ (Megan Stevens)