No Assumptions. No Regrets.
We live our lives based on a series of assumptions. Those assumptions are built on our previous life experiences.
For example, we assume a great deal about other drivers. We assume they will stay on their side of the center line as we fumble with our phone or change the radio station. We assume they will respect a red light as we blow through a green one. We assume pedestrians will stay on the sidewalk as we cruise through a crowded street looking at our GPS.
We order food from people we don’t know and assume it was prepared by someone knowledgeable with clean hands. We board an airplane which has been maintained by strangers and is being flown by strangers–and we take a nap while they transport us at 500 mph to the place they told us we were going.
We send all our money to people we’ve never met who transform it into digital bytes, and we assume it will all work out and our money will be there when we swipe a piece of plastic or enter a series of numbers on a keypad.
We live our lives based on assumptions.
But I wonder if some of our assumptions, even if based on previous experience, are unhealthy?
We buy the house we can barely afford assuming our income won’t change. We ignore a rock-star employee assuming they will stay on our team whether we reward them or not. We choose not to invest our money in a charity or church we care about, assuming other people will. We pass up opportunities for spiritual conversations with those who are asking, assuming there will be time for that later.
We assume our kids will come home from school today. When our wife says, “I’m running to the grocery store…” we assume we will see her again. When a family member or friend says, “I really need to talk,” we assume there will be many opportunities for conversation. When we are planning the big family vacation, we assume we can do it this year or next or two years from now, because nothing will change and everyone will be healthy.
I’m trying to be aware of my assumptions. I want to live in the moment, like Jesus did. I want to pour myself into the relationships around me that matter–as though I will never have another opportunity. I want to go to bed each night with no regrets to how I lived the day.
“Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.” (Matthew 6:34, The Message)
Posted by Tim Stevens | 7 comments
Mark Riddle
i like this post. I love the idea of unearthing assumptions we make or live by.
I'm assuming your read Chris Argyris or at least studied his "Ladder of inference" if not, if you're asking these questions, then it's a must read.
What's helpful from an individual or organizational standpoint is to recognize that most of what we know to be true about ourselves, our story and our beliefs about what works (and what doesn't) is based on small slices of truth from a larger pie of reality. That is to say, that we take a little truth and then fill in the blanks.
More pointedly, most of what we know of ourselves and our organizations is fiction and based on assumptions we've made, based on very small parts of reality.
The key to great leadership, is not only the ability to unearth our own assumption that we hold and to develop a discipline of pausing before we assume (withholding judgment) but the best leaders help communities do the same. This is the essence of a learning organization.
Argyris was a genius. after you google "ladder of influence" try googling "double loop learning" if you really want to hurt your brain.
thanks for the past Tim, maybe one day we'll connect in person.
Tim Stevens
Thanks Mark. Haven’t heard of either of these titles, but I’ll check them out.
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Dan
Tim, thanks for the reminder (even if it makes me miss my wife) to cherish the time we have with others (don'tt assume you will have more time with them).
zfouria
tim: how true that we daily live by these and other assumptions. but like when assuming the ground will stay still beneath our feet during an earthquake, our assumptions can turn out to be terribly wrong. one of the most assumed areas is actually in ministry. in working with volunteers, many times it is assumed someone else will fill the needs, what ever they are…..teaching a class, attending to a financial need, visiting the sick or grieving, hosting a group or even making the coffee. i have seen so many "good" Christians slink away from what they think are the tedious tasks. maybe they don't see it as important as serving God in more visual ways, serving God by serving others is a grateful response as we imitate Christ and His servanthood. we should never "assume" someone else will feed His sheep,
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Monica
This is very true, we assume much and believe we are entitled to those assumptions. Like the example that you wrote, "When our wife says, 'I’m running to the grocery store…' we assume we will see her again." But we are not promised tomorrow. Life is about appreciating and enjoying every second of each moment we are given, because that is all God gives us.