Teens get a lot of grief about how much time they spend on their phones. I hear adults say, “They never put their phones down!” or “He is texting non-stop!” or “I bet she couldn’t live a day without her phone.” But in truth, teens do what teens see. And I see adults every day who belittle others because of bad phone habits.
One day last year I got up before daylight, and spent hours traveling by plane to go across the country for the sole purpose of a one-hour meeting with some leaders for whom I have huge respect. During the meeting, there were several occasions when each of those leaders picked up their phone to read or type. At the same time, they glanced up at me on occasion as I was talking, said “uh huh,” then continued to “thumble” with their phone. I’m not a touchy-feely type of guy, but on that day I felt devalued. I walked away from that meeting purposed in my heart to never do that to anyone.
Here are a few habits I appreciate in others and try to put to practice…
- When you start a meeting, turn your ringer off and move it away from you. If the screen comes to life when you get a text–then put the phone upside down so you won’t see it. If it is likely to vibrate, then put it somewhere it can’t be felt or heard.
- If your phone does vibrate during the meeting and your guest says, “Go ahead and take that if you need to” — reach down and silence it without even looking. This communicates to your guest that they are very valuable to you.
- Don’t buy into the “what if there is an emergency?” line. Rarely does that happen. It’s not a good excuse for having to look at your phone multiple times through every meeting.
- If you know you will need to be reached during the meeting, let your guest know, “My wife is at the doctors office and may need to reach me, so I apologize in advance that I’ll be taking her call when it comes.” That tells your guest this is an exception–you wouldn’t normally do this.
- If you are in a meeting with multiple people–follow the same rules. Don’t convince yourself that your participation isn’t needed right now so you can disengage and respond to texts or play your next turn in Words With Friends.We fool ourselves into thinking we can multitask, or that our disengagement won’t be noticed for a few minutes. Not true.
I’m not saying phones are evil or every time you use your phone you are devaluing others. I’m a heavy smart-phone user. Your phone doesn’t need to be out of sight every time you interact with another human. There are times when I’m sitting around with 5 or 6 friends or family members and every one of us has a phone out. That’s part of the 21st century. I think it can actually enhance the conversation and social interaction. But there are times when you have limited interaction with others when you should be ALL there.
It’s about valuing people. And sometimes that means we are looking in their eyes and being fully engaged so we can really listen to their story and hear their heart.
Think about it.
16 Comments
This is a great "life" reminder Tim as well, thanks for sharing. Last month I got a chance to listen to the Chic Fil-A vice president, he spoke of the balance he has with work and family. He really hit home with how they are at a place where they don't let technology intrude on the time spent with loved ones. You are absolutely right about meetings and beyond, they are necessary but should not intrude on what is more valuable, connecting with the people AROUND us.
M_
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Jeff Burkhimer, L.I.V.E. Church. L.I.V.E. Church said: SOME GOOD ADVICE FOR THOSE WHO LOVE TO TEXT AND USE THEIR PHONES ALOT…. http://fb.me/ArQRqrEP [...]
So true. Thanks tim.
Dead on, thanks.
[...] Stevens on his blog, Leading Smart, has a great post on this subject and five suggestions on how to deal with this bad habit. Take a [...]
Right on Tim… One thought in addition to this is that every smart phone gives you the ability to set custom ringers. I set one for "meetings" and put on vibrate only those items that I am willing to be notified of. I really dislike (hate) meeting with someone while their phone chimes everytime an email or tweet comes to their phone. I want to appligize for interupting what they would obviously rather be going…
yes, thank you for this Tim. I've not read all the comments but i would add the importance of disconnecting from the phone to interact with our families daily as well. It's so easy to stay "on" in our work mode even when home that we can miss all of life that is right in front of us with our spouse and kids. guilty as charged…bottom line – we simply aren't that important, nor are the people on the other side of the Twitter, facebook or email world in comparison to our family. i recommend when possible setting a time in the evenings where the phones no longer take priority. at my house, it begins at dinner and picks back up no sooner than 8 am the next morning.
[...] Wherever you are…be fully there. Great tips on how to handle yourself in meetings with people. We’ve put many of these things into practice for our staff at Revolution. [...]
Tim, I couldn't agree with you more on this. (And that is rare, ha!) I've felt people tune out in conversations even before all this technology came into existence, but now even more. Nothing is that important to interrupt a conversation with a friend or family member or for that matter, a stranger. One of my favorite things to do is get together at Border's or some other coffee establishment with a friend and just talk and listen. This really hits home with me. I would have a huge problem if I flew somewhere to a 1 hour meeting and have people texting instead of listening. I'd be like "that's it guys I'm outta here." Thanks for listening, ( or were you texting as you read this?)
Great Words of wisdom, I have been guilty of this!
I could not agree more. I am often amazed that people put the call before the person that they are actually talking to in person. I rarely, practically never, even look at someone calling in if i am face to face with someone else. What makes the call more important or valuable than the current conversation?
I'm guilty, especially if I'm in a class with the laptop and wifi. I do agree that there are times to pay full attention such as in class or a meeting, etc; as well as times such as hanging with friends or family where it's helpful to the conversation or simply part of this century.
[...] I sometimes forget – Wherever You Are…Be Fully There. [...]
Spot on Tim. As a father of a toddler and an infant it's bizarre to me that a lot of children their age choose a toy phone as their favorite toy. I know mine reach for my phone faster than anything else… and I only have a cheapo free with the plan phone. It's a great reminder that they model what they see.
As a school teacher it is becoming more apparent every year that cell phones and internet connectivity are actually killing our ability to REALLY communicate. Eye contact is going extinct.
Should have said "choose a phone as their favorite toy".
[...] Wherever You Are…Be Fully There July 22, 2010 – 7:19 am [...]