Our kids are growing up in a different world. Here are a few things we do (or have done) to keep our kids safe…
- Internet filtering – Curiosity killed the cat and can do great harm to kids as well. We have used different products to filter and monitor our kids internet activities. Monitoring tells us where they are going. Filtering keeps bad stuff away that could hurt them. Currently we are using Family Safety which is a free add-on product that we have loaded on every computer they access. Not only can we restrict sites based on our values–we can also monitor what sites are capturing their attention. And we can change (ease) these restrictions as they get older.
- Computer game time — on a school day, they get 30 minutes of electronic game time (whether computer, Wii, Xbox, iPod, whatever). On non-school days, they get an hour. This limit forces them (mostly the boys) to find other things to do. They all love reading, and I think that is partially because we haven’t allowed their time to be monopolized by staring at a screen.
- Cell Phone privileges - we didn’t get cell phones for our teens until they were in 9th grade. Why then? Because that is when it became inconvenient to us that they didn’t have one. It was never really a safety issue–in middle school there was always a friend nearby who had a phone they could borrow.
- Cell Phone Limits – this is about helping them stay in the present and not always being pulled away into other conversations. Our cell phones have unlimited text messaging, but we actually pay an additional fee (called “Smart Limits” by AT&T) to limit the number of text messages and the time of day it works for phone calls (other than to us, of course).
- iPod Touch restrictions – our 7th grade son saved his money for a long time until he was able to buy an iPod Touch. The first thing I did was took it, enabled the “restrictions” feature, locked it out from Safari (internet surfing) and YouTube, set a password, and gave it back to him. I don’t need my adolescent son walking around with a pocket full of temptation.
- Email monitoring - when they first got email privileges, I restricted their incoming messages to an approved list to protect them from child predators. After awhile, I lifted that restriction but continued to monitor all their incoming and outgoing email. As the teens are getting older and more responsible, I’ve gone from 1) Monitor everything, to 2) Monitor occasionally, to 3) “You know I can monitor it if I want,” to 4) I trust you.
- Facebook monitoring – similar to email, we monitored all of their Facebook activity when they first began using it (around 8th grade). Then it was “as needed.”
- TV time — the biggest blessing to parents has been the invention of the DVR (or TIVO). Our kids don’t channel surf. There is no reason. We just keep the DVR stacked with shows that won’t hurt their hearts (which, of course, changes as they age). They get a limited time to watch, and when they do they can skip commercials (which saves time AND limits the consumer mentality from taking over). Parents: Think of a DVR as a parenting tool, not a tech gadget.
I haven’t even talked about the content of movies or shows, but the bottom line: You are the parent. If you don’t protect them from the digital world, who will? At the same time, if you don’t prepare them to live in a digital world without your oversight, who will? I am constantly doing the countdown: I know I have 17 months left to prepare Heather to totally stand on her own in the world. So we are constantly reevaluating our limits and lifting them as she is ready. It’s fun to go to the kids and say, “You’ve been doing great, making good choices. I’m going to ease the restriction in this area because I think you can handle it now.”
Parenting isn’t an exact science, so what would you add or change?
22 Comments
I like what you are doing/have done. I think some parents take it to the extreme and don't allow their kids access to anything, making the temptation for them to do it behind their backs even greater. It really is a different time, and parents and those who help teach young people have to embrace the technology and teach kids how to use it responsibly.
Great thoughts, I appreciate the practical advice!
Great post. We're doing similar things with our teenage boys. One question – are there any alternatives to completely shutting down Safari on an iTouch / iPhone? We currently use SafeEyes for the home computer and I've looked at iNet for mobile filtering. Any other recommedations?
I use Covenant Eyes on home PC's/Mac, and it has an iPhone browser. If you shut down Safari, they can browse via Covenant Eyes and you can receive the same browsing/filter reports for their iPhone usage.
xxxchurch.com also has a browser for the iphone/ipod that they can use that will email you if there are any inappropriate sites visited.
"At the same time, if you don’t prepare them to live in a digital world without your oversight, who will?"
Excellent.
I think too often we forget about this side of the protect & equip equation. Which, in my opinion, may be even more important than the protection part.
Tim, I never comment on blogs…but, I am breaking my own rule here. As a parent of a kid headed into middle school, I find myself wrestling with these exact issues. Thanks for a great baseline from which to start. This was incredibly helpful to me.
Josh – I'm honored that you've left the world of blog-stalking and left me a comment! (Truth be told, I rarely leave comments on other blogs either. Love stalking!).
Great advice Tim! Though our three kids are grown, we have three grandchildren that are beginning to enter the digital world. Thanks for the reminders!
[...] If You Don’t Protect Your Kids In The Digital World – Who Will? by Tim Stevens; great article to pass along to youth parents Leave a Comment [...]
Thanks for this post Tim. My parents raised me in a similar way and now with perspective I can thank them for that. I'm a youth pastor now and I forwarded a link to this post to all my parents. Def something they need to read and think about if they haven't already.
Tim: Great post. Parents are often 'WAY behind their kids in knowing what is available via modern technology.
One thing that many parents are unaware of is that there are many other devices besides the PC that can access porn and other inappropriate material. When we tested the Nintendo Wii, it took <20minutes from opening the box to being able to stream inappropriate content! Same for PSP and other devices.
Keep preaching it, brother! The Enemy is causing too many casualties!
Yours in Christ,
Buddy
wow 17 months?
now who's the one counting down?
It is vital to provide a protection on the digital world for the teens, at least until the have a decent age!
We started using OpenDNS (http://www.opendns.com) to do our filtering. It's really nice because it filters at a router level, not a computer level. So, everything being routed into your home can be filtered. We have multiple machines in our house (Mac PC, iPhone, etc.), and all of them are filtered with this free service.
For those interested in OpenDNS you might want to read my blog review here:
http://blog.knightsquest.org/index.php/2010/02/op...
It's great for filtering NON-PC items like Wii, PS3, iPod Touch, etc.
For those interested in OpenDNS you might want to read my blog review here:
http://blog.knightsquest.org/index.php/2010/02/op...
It's great for filtering NON-PC items like Wii, PS3, iPod Touch, etc.
[...] great post yesterday about what he and his wife do to help protect their kids in the digital age. I think this post is great reading for everyone, but especially if you have [...]
I love this post! Most excellent.
[...] If You Don’t Protect Your Kids in the Digital World–Who Will?. [...]
[...] Safety – free option from Microsoft; Tim Steevens says his family uses it. It looks to do most of what Safe Eyes [...]
[...] The following article was written by Tim Stevens. You can find more articles like this at leadingsmart.com. [...]